forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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