She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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