Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
