quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize