Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
