remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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