i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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