he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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