We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
