You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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