dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
