I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
