her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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