In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
