Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
