Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
