my phone needs a breathalizer
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
