i permit you to call me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
