party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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