I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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