A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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