So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
