took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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