he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
