you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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