You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
