god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my liver is dry heaving
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
