Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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