come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
