you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
