It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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