What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
