apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
