do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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