there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
