Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
