I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
