you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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