He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
