Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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