Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
