She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you win again, gameday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
