can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
