Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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