lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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