I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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