I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
