You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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