Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
