I heard we made out
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
