is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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