What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize