i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
vagina is talking i cant
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
