let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
