I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize