You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
