Can Purell be used as lube?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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