So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
