You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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