You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
