brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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