the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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